I am sitting here, cooking and folding laundry, waiting for Kabrie to wake up. My VT's are due in 20 minutes and so I thought I'd take time to start this New Year Post.
The winter has been cold and brown... Sunday we got a thin blanket of snow, would like more, and the weatherman said it's coming, but not today.
If this post seems scattered, then think of what is twirling around and around inside my head. I am trying to make sense of it, and doing poorly. The idea is to put things into words to help me make lemonade out of the bowl of lemons sitting on my table. So... here goes...
Headaches, babies, puke, poop, barking dogs, dirty clothes, rotten carrots, Piglet is cold, To many dirty dishes, cooking, more dirty dishes, piles of papers with some to file and some to shred, junk, to much clutter, to many treasures, piles of kitchen tools, no place to put them, tired, can't sleep, shoulders tense, hips cramping, digital mammogram, pain in my boobies, pain in my lower back, pain in my feet, knees, hips, Just painful,
Susie's wedding, getting Bennett, having had Tanner, Adylin, Matthew... Having one on one with each of them is great. I've enjoyed time with each... Mike has done something special with each one. What to do with Bennett? Hm...The Dollar Store and treats was what we chose and nuggets at McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner... His favorite is either candy or chocolate... so we tried to jump a bit of nuggies into his tummy too...
I'm overwhelmed and my insides are bubbling over like a pot of potatoes... I can't seem to remember much unless I write it down. I print bills and then put them in a pile and not in the bill box. Someone is always needing something from me and I can't seem to get the energy to do anything.
I feel like I fail at most things. My follow through is very poor. I kind of just want to hide and do nothing. I know that isn't good, but not sure I want it any different right now. It's like I'm still in mourning for my baby Alexis.... My mind is always on her no matter what else I'm thinking about. OK... so I think I finally put my finger on it...
It takes me awhile to work through the garbage inside me.
Now that I've put my finger on it. What am I suppose to do with that? Hm?
If I talk to Mike he will try to to cover for me... But this to to big for a band aid... or a cast or surgery...So.... do I just keep moving forward and trying to put the crap into the slots they belong in... Not sure... Not sure at all...
All this was rolling inside me, not realizing it's Lexi's 17th birthday. Putting it into words helped a bit, but I still miss her face and her hugs and Just Her.
Mike and I went up to Ogden on Thursday, January 26th and took Seth out to lunch. He is so sweet. I miss him too. Living so far away makes weekly jaunts a no go... Monthly we shoot for, but are not always successful getting up to North Ogden.
I can tell most of my 'frantic' conversation to myself is out of me and into words.
No way I would be even OK without family and friends to be supportive and kind. I am grateful for a Loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me with family and friends to be a part of my support system. Without HIM... I would have nothing, I would be nothing, I would hear nothing or see nothing, or touch nothing. or smell nothing... No birds, no trees, no flowers, no brown skies or blue skies... no family, no friends, nothing....
Trials and Hardships are a part of our daily lives... So, let's try to make the best of it and move forward, with Hope in our Hearts and Faith that Heavenly Father knows us and knows what we need if we allow HIM to direct us and guide us...
Looking forward to February... another day, month in the life of Mike and Connie and their crew.
