It is 2012 and Life Goes On... and On... and On...

I am sitting here, cooking and folding laundry, waiting for Kabrie to wake up.  My VT's are due in 20 minutes and so I thought I'd take time to start this New Year Post.


The winter has been cold and brown... Sunday we got a thin blanket of snow, would like more, and the weatherman said it's coming, but not today.


If this post seems scattered, then think of what is twirling around and around inside my head.  I am trying to make sense of it, and doing poorly.  The idea is to put things into words to help me make lemonade out of the bowl of lemons sitting on my table.  So... here goes...


Headaches, babies, puke, poop, barking dogs, dirty clothes, rotten carrots, Piglet is cold, To many dirty dishes, cooking, more dirty dishes, piles of papers with some to file and some to shred, junk, to much clutter, to many treasures, piles of kitchen tools, no place to put them, tired, can't sleep, shoulders tense, hips cramping, digital mammogram, pain in my boobies,  pain in my lower back, pain in my feet, knees, hips, Just painful,


Susie's wedding, getting Bennett, having had Tanner, Adylin, Matthew... Having one on one with each of them is great.  I've enjoyed time with each... Mike has done something special with each one.  What to do with Bennett?  Hm...The Dollar Store and treats was what we chose and nuggets at McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner... His favorite is either candy or chocolate... so we tried to jump a bit of nuggies into his tummy too... 


I'm overwhelmed and my insides are bubbling over like a pot of potatoes... I can't seem to remember much unless I write it down.  I print bills and then put them in a pile and not in the bill box.  Someone is always needing something from me and I can't seem to get the energy to do anything.


I feel like I fail at most things.  My follow through is very poor.  I kind of just want to hide and do nothing.  I know that isn't good, but not sure I want it any different right now.  It's like I'm still in mourning for my baby Alexis.... My mind is always on her no matter what else I'm thinking about.  OK... so I think I finally put my finger on it...


It takes me awhile to work through the garbage inside me.


Now that I've put my finger on it.  What am I suppose to do with that?  Hm?


If I talk to Mike he will try to to cover for me... But this to to big for a band aid... or a cast or surgery...So.... do I just keep moving forward and trying to put the crap into the slots they belong in... Not sure... Not sure at all...


All this was rolling inside me, not realizing it's Lexi's 17th birthday.  Putting it into words helped a bit, but I still miss her face and her hugs and Just Her.


Mike and I went up to Ogden on Thursday, January 26th and took Seth out to lunch.  He is so sweet.  I miss him too. Living so far away makes weekly jaunts a no go... Monthly we shoot for, but are not always successful getting up to North Ogden.  


I can tell most of my 'frantic' conversation to myself is out of me and into words.


No way I would be even OK without family and friends to be supportive and kind.  I am grateful for a Loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me with family and friends to be a part of my support system.  Without HIM... I would have nothing, I would be nothing, I would hear nothing or see nothing, or touch nothing. or smell nothing... No birds, no trees, no flowers, no brown skies or blue skies... no family, no friends, nothing....  


Trials and Hardships are a part of our daily lives... So, let's try to make the best of it and move forward, with Hope in our Hearts and Faith that Heavenly Father knows us and knows what we need if we allow HIM to direct us and guide us...


Looking forward to February... another day, month in the life of Mike and Connie and their crew.

To be full of Thanks and try to be Giving to others

This year I have been trying to figure out what I am thankful for.  My list was long.


Mike has a job, We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge, money in the bank, Both autos are in working order, we are healthy (old does not qualify), we love our children and grandchildren and are grateful for their love and support.


We are learning to be grateful for our challenges and quests in life.  We are grateful that we are still learning.


We are thankful for the scriptures, grateful we know how to read,  We are grateful for our new ward, Kolob 6th Ward in Kolob Stake, I think anyway.  We are grateful for Mike's Ipad and all the great apps the church has for it.  We are grateful for the internet, to be able to do indexing to help move the work along.


We are grateful that the Lord blessed us by softening the hearts of those who could show us the way to find Alexis.  Without the Lord's help, we would still not have been able to lay her earthly body to rest.  We are blessed to share the gospel with so many great and wonderful family members and friends.


We are thankful for this year, 2011, the weddings, baby blessings, family gatherings, and funerals.    We are thankful for our move, for the support of those who helped and that it was done safely, without injury.


As this year comes to an end, we want to thank our family for the love and support they have shown to us, in good times and bad.  We want to thank our friends for being there for us when we asked for help or just wanting to talk.


We can't thank others enough, or show our gratitude for the blessings sent our way for even a small portion... No words can express our gratitude.  Signing off now with a heart full of gratitude and charity for those we know and love.


HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2011

My Sweet Alexis...

September 10, 2011 marks a very bad horrible day...

Alexis went missing... Disappeared off the face of the earth...

No cell phone activity...

Nothing...

Only to find her on day 40 buried in a shallow grave in Morgan County near the banks of the Weber River...

There are no words...

Only an empty sadness...

Seth has really handled this tragic time fairly well.. Very proud of him and how helpful he has been to his mom, by her side, supportive... oh yeah, I forgot ...He is a teenager... so we are not talking perfect,  but nearly you know.....

Our move the 15th of October is nearly over... It was a hard one... I think I say that every time I move... But with the news that Lex was missing... made it even harder.  No concentration ... No drive... No packing early... Just worry... and no sleep...

We need to clean up the backyard and get a few more things from the house... I'd like to get a cleaning crew together the first part of this week so I can get the carpets cleaned on Friday... Cuz Monday is our last day in that house and we still are not done...

So many sent flowers and plants to express their sadness too... So hard to understand this anyway, but harder due to it being our baby girl..

So many people came to the gravesite, far to many to even know who was there.  The media was outside the church in North Ogden, and on the pathway at the cemetery.  

Dylan Moore, Kirk's youngest came from AZ.  Glad that Jessica brought him.  A funeral is hard, but not knowing family is supportive makes it harder still.  Healing and understanding can start to happen as he processes  this tragic loss in his young life.  He lost his only sister...

This seems so senseless to me... This kind of death is so wasteful... It makes me sick when I think about it and her lying in a pile of dirt, tossed out like the trash...

Gotta stop for now... My heart is breaking... My body is shaking... Gonna go hide in my bed...

I'm pretty sure I'm suppose to be something else, so much crisis and stress and I'm still standing... What is wrong with me?  Why am I not flat and nonfunctional?  OK... Maybe why isn't the question... but then I'm so blank I can't think of what the question might be...  I'm still so very sad... a sadness I've never experienced before.

We had 2 dozen balloons to send up for the welcome home party she was having with family as we laid her earthly remains safely to rest.  Chris and Addison were there, now we added Lex too... See family... Together... Forever...

What do you think I'm suppose to learn in my life?

Conference Weekend... Delightful

Starting this before conference starts... will add through out the weekend with bits of wisdom and treats from the General Authorities.. The temps are not to cool... mid high 80's...  Grateful for the cooler temps, and very grateful we are not in winter weather either...

As usual I did not get this done...

Seems like my life exploded on me again and I fell into snail mode... moving so slow...

moved
funeral
funeral
Thanksgiving...

So ya, things kept happening...

Connie is a Grump!!!

and if you don't believe her... Just ask Mike... Who is pleasant and sweet all the time...

OH YEAH!!

So this started on Thursday of this week... Mike has been sneezing